Discourse:

A conversation between Posh and I from this morning about the dating preferences of Black men and women. Except for a couple corrected errors and bathroom breaks excised, it's unabridged

Posh: i thought about your question that night! i likened it to an adventist dating an atheist. you're both humans but it's the unspoken subtlies that make the difference.

Big Head: okay being a black woman why do you think collectively as a group you are the least likely to date outside your race

P: we're hopeful! we yearn for true companionship and intimacy...we're complex beings and maybe we feel only our black male counterparts can get us!

B: hmmm. why do black women glare so hard at black men and their non-black dates? why is your utter disdain so visible?

P: i was saying that we don't approve and we're not gonna fake like we do. plus you black males already know who we feel so the look should not come as a surprise

B: ok another question, why are you so upset with black men for not sharing your exclusivity?

P: dude it's just natural. cardinal birds have cardinal baby birds. lions do not mix with tigers even though they are feline.

B: that doesn't explain why you're upset. every other demographic dates and marries outside of their race at a higher rate than black women. why are you angry that black men don't share your opinion and back to the earlier glare issue...is it fair to the date to feel so uncomfortable about unspoken racial disappointment

P: that's a personal problem. you need to work on that with you girl. why all these questions?

B: actually it came up yesterday randomly in a conversation about black people yesterday and i started to think about it more independently. i texted you cause daniela was interested in the answer too

P: ah! was i any help?

B: not reeally cause "commonality" isn't exactly a clear answer

P: yeah it is. think outside the box. certain unspoken converstations that are related to common experieces...

B: okay posh why should i think out the box when you just say "commonality" and pull all that out? the word just means a shared attribute. so what attribute that is shared is so important that you won't consider outside the race. actually i've figured this out. i'm really more into the anger aspect

P: well if you figured out that one your own, i'm sure you're smart enough to figure out the anger component without my help... contact webster.

B: alright at what point do black women actually act on this anger? like when do you guys work to change the situation? or ladies rather?

P: change what situation? in an already established relationship? like you and yours?

B: like try to figure out why black men shun black women at such a high rate as to encourage anger? we date outside the race. we contribute to the highest rate of children born to unwed mothers. what straw has to break the camel's back before someone says "maybe i should consider another option"? or "why the hell aren't they checking for me and what can i do to change it?"

P: ummm...we know what the stats are although the men that you described are on the majority. we are hopeful to find the good men in teh bunch, who do exist. we know this because we see them with women of other races. the question is why have black men opted for the others?

B: cause they hate black women. which is why i am always amazed at why y'all still take it.

P: why do they HATE blackk women? that's a strong word and i'm sure those in that camp are few and far between.

B: right i took lessons from you on how to be dramatic. but since jack johnson was dating white girls at the start of the 20th century, its been a problem. that has only increased exponentially as integration has increased. personally i think there are a number of factors. black women have personality traits that scare off all men. black women are a reminder of something they are trying to get away from

P: or could it also be especially in the time of jack johnson that white was considered acheivement? what are they trying to get away from? this sounds more like a personal issue

B: black men are the biggest buyers of "white is right". no its not a personal issue since i actually like black women. i'm only repeating the sentiments of black men i have spoken too. black women are probably the strongest figures in the culture. they are actually starting to graduate at a rate higher than white males. but that strength is not subdued. and it is so strong, it just naturally clashes with what a man's mentality

P: you know...God created men first. Man sets the standard in all cultures. Women are reactionary, they follow the lean of the man...it's just the way God created us. If a black man wants to see the change...he needs to be the change he wants to see.

B: what change? and why would he really motivated to see it? why are you hopeful that they change their point of view without any impetus to do so whatseoever?

P: the impetus is within. black men, (the ones that you are talking about, the ones that i seldom see here in DC) don't want black women. believe it or not they treat white women differently. they have more tolerence and patience...maybe because it's different and new.

B: so black men are supposed to be magically motivated to treat black women out of nowhere
*better

P: well they treat white women as such. it's conditioning. if they were to treat white women as they do black, i'm sure the white women would react similiarly! women are women! some internalize others act out. some keep it under wraps while others don't. but nevertheless, they will react.

B: okay posh here's what i thonk you're missing; this is not communicated to black men

P: it's funny because black women continually speak this, but we're called angry. fine, we may be passionate about it, but the message is the same. men want to be men. however around black women, they're emasculated. maybe it's a black american thing? maybe it's the culture in this country

B: okay instead of anger, i should have said upset

P: semantic

B: so do you stay this upset? do you try to convince black men? sometimes i think its just a matter of strengthening black men

P: yes it is! but they're not really embrasive to the black women who try to do this. i do have to admit we have lost the tenderness and patience of our foremothers.

B: which i think is one of the things that scares off the black man. but i'm off to the gym. ciao

P is busy. You may be interrupting.