"never give up" is what i was told during my formative education. while working at the MATCH, everyday as the students walked into the building they would recite the school's motto after the greeter would ask what does it take to learn " courage, discipline and perseverance." if ever i needed a mantra, it's right now.
so this is the burden on my heart (the prior post will make more sense now). i will be out of a job in a few weeks (this we all know), i do not have another job lined up (also not news, i want to complete my prerequisites for med school as soon as possible and i love independence and DC. living and going to school cost money and if i don't have a job=income, how am i to live ALONE in DC? i was flirting with the idea of going back home to south la (lancaster) or the ATL with my mom at the start of next year. to leave DC i would be leaving the following:
1. pathfinder obligation (10 awesome kids)
2. the best home church ever!
3. independence
4. home as a haven
5. great young adult adventists
6. culture and nightlife one bus ride away
7. 1K+ rent
8. $200+ car insurance
9. dating
10. a great city
11. osh kosh in summer of 09
12. temperate climate
what i would be gaining:
1. free room and board
2. possible job with some local organization or even gov't
3. i'd be closer to two of my best friends
4. completing my prerequisites ahead of schedule (it's not really ahead of schedule. regardless of where i am i would need to complete Orgo starting the fall of 09 to be completed spring 10 whereby entering med school fall 2010. no matter how i slice it i'll be in med school fall 2010)
5. closer to family
6. fewer bills (save money)
here is my dilema. how do i know what i need to do? this is the sign i've been asking Him for. i need some guidance cause i'm lost! never give up, am i being stubborn when i shouldn't be? should i give up on my wanting to dictate my life and let Him lead? when is giving up an option? how do i know he's leading? then again i don't want to be that woman who moves back home cause she couldn't do it alone. i'm a fighter (that's what my best friend told me this past weekend). how much of a fight am i putting up if i decided to move back home? i know that some of this is pride on my part. i always thought that once i left home i would only return for holidays. i don't want to go back on this belief.
so i'm asking you to chime in and give me some insight, thoughts, comments, whatever. my mind is probably made up but hearing from an objective source never hurts.
conflicted,
posh
p.s. i spoke to my mom about it. of course she wants me to come home, but i was not completely convinced. her main quip was that i needed to get rid of my expensive rent...which she's right about. deep down i don't think my mom wants me to give up and come home. having this convo with my mom wasn't easy; when did it become hard to talk to my mom?
2 comments:
im conflicted for you!!
i REALLLY want you to stay to DC because
1. we just met
2. im EXTREMELY not good at long distance relationships
but, despite my plans for your life & as i've learned this week, it is better to surrender our objectives and submit to God's plan. Life's just easier [and better] if we do as he has purposed us and rely on Him.
Now the conflict is: does he want you to stay and struggle? or does he want you to take the easy road to ATL? Honestly, between free rent, best friends, and atlanta foolishness and mayhem [i've GREATLY experienced the later two many a weekend while at OU]...i dunno if your really going to do what you need to do. The road might end up being too easy and deter you off the correct path. easier doesn't equal better.
I think you should pray sans cesse and trust God. Rely on Him and let Him know He has a deadline to promote His plan or else your going to have to follow your own [sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do!] He said he would never leave you or forsake you so He's going to make the possible happen from the seemingly unlikely.
i'm praying for you!
[and i think your meant to be exactly where you are now]
whew...that was alot. It sucks to have these internal conflicts. It's even worse when you can't hear Him.
First, I'm just going to tell you what I'm deducing from this post:
The only source of your confusion is you. You're question is flawed off top. You ask if giving up is ever an option. Who said leaving DC or moving back to your parents' house is giving up? Only you say that.
Giving up is to sit on your hands after your job ends at the end of the month. Giving up is to feel sorry for yourself and not weigh all of your options seriously. Giving up is to lose sight of your goals. Giving up is to hold on to things you cannot handle (that's not fighting).
I think once you begin to look at all of your options as avenues to get you to where you want to be, and more importantly to where God wants you to be, your dilemma won't seem so severe.
Sure, the decision will still be tough...it will probably be tough even after you make the decision, not matter what you decide to do. For goodness sake, any decision that includes drastically changing your comfort zone is always difficult. However, you have to make a decision that includes all of the factors of your life.
I love you girlie and I'll definitely keep you in my prayers.
On a half joking note: You should so move to the San Fran Bay area!!!
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