Posh's latest revelation in dating, the Renaissance Sugar Daddy theorem we can call it, was initially troublesome. Well more specifically, the circumstances that led up to the conclusion were the troublesome part. Why would young, vibrant Posh want to be subject herself to potential stagnation with a beau who was born in a completely different era? Then I realized that each girlfriend I have is younger than the last.
So why the trend? In the black community, you could easily say that the men have the luxury of staying single longer and then having their pick whenever they choose. I guess you could say that across ethnicities since the good men are dwindling at a higher rate for everyone. But I think there's something else going on there too.
Girls are always more mature than boys. This is apparent to both sexes as early as pre-school. From the jungle gym, little princesses are honing their skills at batting eyelashes and making wistful glances; the boys just try to figure out where and when to hit her in the shoulder to express the same sentiment. And while we make gains, we never quite catch up. So though chronologically disparate, those eyebrow raising relationships might be on the perfect page. Plus the young ones are eye candy that not only please us but make our friends jealous. That never hurts the equation.
I think it all factors into how much a guy is willing to sacrifice. When a man finally gets tired of the club scene and wants to settle down, he starts to find someone who is on the same page. He initially might even turn to people his age, but they're usually bitter and have baggage that makes it even less appealing. But turn a little and there is a bevy of younger women, tired of dating around and looking for something substantial, but the boys their age have no interest in giving up their playboy ways. So sometimes the girl is 25 and the guy is 27, 26 and 33, 27 and 40, but they're going the same speed. Plus the girl offers the guy some sort of link to the idea that his youth and vitality is eternal. For the girl, she is just comforted by the fact that a man exists that knows what responsibility is. This also explains why these relationships work even when the guy isn't exactly Mr. Moneybags either.
The more I've thought about it, the less I worry about it. I really have more stock in making my current relationship work. Other than the fact that we seem to be at that all important same pace, the idea of getting any younger in my partners is scary. In future years, if I entertain the type of age gap Posh has no qualms about I could be dating someone who featured Soulja Boy prominently in their Sweet 16 playlist. I don't think I could handle the disconnect. I suspect the trend will only continue to grow. In addition to Posh, my sister is currently dating someone 11 years her senior. Plus it would just add onto the list of ways to emulate Jay-Z. First, entrepreneurship in diverse assets (Jigga does mad ish. I'ma do mad ish"). Second, beverage choices based on moral conscience ("Jigga stopped drinking Cris. I'ma stop drinking Cris"). Finally, Jay-Z has offered guidance on relationships ("Jigga got married to an independent woman more than 10 years his junior. That nigga must be onto something. He ain't made a bad move yet")
Those might be some of the most watched baby names ever.
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Now playing: Beyonce - Crazy In Love (ft. Jay-Z)
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
to be or not to be kept?
My best friend is 10 years my senior and we get along just fine. the first time i ever got hit on i was 12 and he was 18. he told me later he thought i too was 18.
Since moving to chocolate city i have gone on several dates all with me who have been atleast 8 years my senior. last night i had a reuniting with one such man. we had not seen each other in almost a year and during that lapse he'd gone off and married the woman he was living with while we dated! :) last night, we met with a group of his friends. he was working the dance floor, dancing with every willing female. for the record he can move (but not as good as bighead!) all his friends at some point of the night sparked convo with me. his friend's cousin, who was also in the group but not associated with my married friend, and i ended up hitting it off. he offered to take me home, i accepted. btw: dude who offered teh ride is 16 years my senior! my married friend got mad at me for leaving with someone else. Was his irritation justified? should i have some how, some way entertained him when the night was over?
the analysis:
he's married
he is spending the night at his college freind's house
he is carpooing with 2 others (his friend and another mutual friend)
i cut romantic ties off the first time as sooon as i found out his living situation
i will never again be "the other woman"
my apartment is a mess (the dryer in the building was not working, figure it out!)
conclusion:
Negro was not justified in his anger. based on past interactions he knows how sacred i hold marriage. he should not have called me to hang out with the expectation that he would "get some" anything. finally, it forces me to think of what kind of a woman he thinks i am. one that would fornicate with a married man? do i have no morals or self respect? maybe he thought our connection was that serious. not when you're married!
Moral:
older dudes & younger women: maybe we just complement each other. they're looking for youth and fun, and i'm looking for $ and stablitiy! being kept never hurt no one!
Since moving to chocolate city i have gone on several dates all with me who have been atleast 8 years my senior. last night i had a reuniting with one such man. we had not seen each other in almost a year and during that lapse he'd gone off and married the woman he was living with while we dated! :) last night, we met with a group of his friends. he was working the dance floor, dancing with every willing female. for the record he can move (but not as good as bighead!) all his friends at some point of the night sparked convo with me. his friend's cousin, who was also in the group but not associated with my married friend, and i ended up hitting it off. he offered to take me home, i accepted. btw: dude who offered teh ride is 16 years my senior! my married friend got mad at me for leaving with someone else. Was his irritation justified? should i have some how, some way entertained him when the night was over?
the analysis:
he's married
he is spending the night at his college freind's house
he is carpooing with 2 others (his friend and another mutual friend)
i cut romantic ties off the first time as sooon as i found out his living situation
i will never again be "the other woman"
my apartment is a mess (the dryer in the building was not working, figure it out!)
conclusion:
Negro was not justified in his anger. based on past interactions he knows how sacred i hold marriage. he should not have called me to hang out with the expectation that he would "get some" anything. finally, it forces me to think of what kind of a woman he thinks i am. one that would fornicate with a married man? do i have no morals or self respect? maybe he thought our connection was that serious. not when you're married!
Moral:
older dudes & younger women: maybe we just complement each other. they're looking for youth and fun, and i'm looking for $ and stablitiy! being kept never hurt no one!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
13:39
This was the time on April 2, 2008 I realized I had to leave my job as soon as possible.
Towards the end of a sexual harassment training, which was an unnecessary replication of one we just recently had, our human resources associate was rambling on in a makeshift addendum to the video just shown for our viewing pleasure. I zoned in and out as she admonished us on discussing the illicit details of our personal lives while at work but my ears perked up when she randomly asked for hands regarding our time served with the organization.
First it was the less than a year.
One to two years.
I had already decided not to raise my hand at this point for the inevitable two years plus. She was smart and didn't ask for it. But she did refer to us as veteran staff charged with setting the standard of professionalism.
And at 1:39 Eastern Daylight Time, she turned, gave me direct eye contact, and said "You've been here a while, you know what I am saying."
And when you realize you do know what she's saying because you've known this shit since you were 17 or that you might have memorized the damn video cause this is at least the fourth time you've viewed it or that the human resources associate that knows about 25 people total has seen you that often that she actually remembers that you've been there that long, it's about that time.
You know everybody likes to focus on how God is so awesome with blessing us with obvious blessings or these great miracles, big and small. And I do appreciate them just like everybody else. But let us not forget how he pushes our buttons to piss us off and get us to change. Between this mini-narrative and my girlfriend''s questionable driving habits, I finally have the impetus to embark on two of the most important and overdue steps of my life.
(These songs were on back to back and were very apropros)
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Now playing: Jill Scott - Golden & Black Eyed Peas - Fallin Up
Towards the end of a sexual harassment training, which was an unnecessary replication of one we just recently had, our human resources associate was rambling on in a makeshift addendum to the video just shown for our viewing pleasure. I zoned in and out as she admonished us on discussing the illicit details of our personal lives while at work but my ears perked up when she randomly asked for hands regarding our time served with the organization.
First it was the less than a year.
One to two years.
I had already decided not to raise my hand at this point for the inevitable two years plus. She was smart and didn't ask for it. But she did refer to us as veteran staff charged with setting the standard of professionalism.
And at 1:39 Eastern Daylight Time, she turned, gave me direct eye contact, and said "You've been here a while, you know what I am saying."
And when you realize you do know what she's saying because you've known this shit since you were 17 or that you might have memorized the damn video cause this is at least the fourth time you've viewed it or that the human resources associate that knows about 25 people total has seen you that often that she actually remembers that you've been there that long, it's about that time.
You know everybody likes to focus on how God is so awesome with blessing us with obvious blessings or these great miracles, big and small. And I do appreciate them just like everybody else. But let us not forget how he pushes our buttons to piss us off and get us to change. Between this mini-narrative and my girlfriend''s questionable driving habits, I finally have the impetus to embark on two of the most important and overdue steps of my life.
(These songs were on back to back and were very apropros)
----------------
Now playing: Jill Scott - Golden & Black Eyed Peas - Fallin Up
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Another Day
In the past couple of weeks, I've had an increased number of instances in which I was describing aspects of my spirituality to people who had the questions. And while they ranged from worship style to church attendance to actual belief system, I noticed that a common theme for me is that it is a truly personal experience when you connect with the Father.
Today was another example. I found myself awake early and especially alert this morning. Thankful I remembered to take down the garbage, I was somehow inspired to read those Bible chapters I had permanently penciled in for "Tomorrow". Initially I grabbed my study Bible with the chapters already in a plan to follow, but then I reached for a more conventional study Bible. Then I did a routine. I pray that God just speaks to me by just guiding the way I open the Bible. It may sound silly but I think it was inspired in one of my initial spells of desperation years ago. It helped me then. And it has mostly helped me since. Anyway, my prayer was admittedly scattershot. Just like a conversation with any friend, I found myself going off on tangents. Still I found a way to regroup and ask for that guidance.
Now I open the blessed Book and come to Haggai, a tiny book tucked in the back of the Old Testament. I won't lie. When I have been stubborn and come to an entry like that after the same prayer routine, I have closed the Bible and done a restart, hoping I would be lead to one of the more conventionally inspirational passages. But lately I have been realizing that this only child "my way or the highway" attitude is the reason I find myself in this state of stagnation in the first place. So I read the tiny book.
And it spoke right to me. Straight shot to the heart.
"Look at what’s happening to you! You have planted much but harvest little. You eat but are not satisfied. You drink but are still thirsty. You put on clothes but cannot keep warm. Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes!" Haggai 1: 5-6 (NLT)
You can read the chapters for yourself, but what I got out of it was the Israelites just had misguided priorities, much like myself. When they submitted to doing what they were supposed to though, the Lord kept blessing them. And what they were supposed to do was submit to God's will in the first place.
The priority thing has always been my main obstacle. But a little later there is this: "But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people still left in the land. And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’ " Haggai 2: 4-5 (NLT)
Time to get working.
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Now playing: De La Soul - U Can Do (Life)
Today was another example. I found myself awake early and especially alert this morning. Thankful I remembered to take down the garbage, I was somehow inspired to read those Bible chapters I had permanently penciled in for "Tomorrow". Initially I grabbed my study Bible with the chapters already in a plan to follow, but then I reached for a more conventional study Bible. Then I did a routine. I pray that God just speaks to me by just guiding the way I open the Bible. It may sound silly but I think it was inspired in one of my initial spells of desperation years ago. It helped me then. And it has mostly helped me since. Anyway, my prayer was admittedly scattershot. Just like a conversation with any friend, I found myself going off on tangents. Still I found a way to regroup and ask for that guidance.
Now I open the blessed Book and come to Haggai, a tiny book tucked in the back of the Old Testament. I won't lie. When I have been stubborn and come to an entry like that after the same prayer routine, I have closed the Bible and done a restart, hoping I would be lead to one of the more conventionally inspirational passages. But lately I have been realizing that this only child "my way or the highway" attitude is the reason I find myself in this state of stagnation in the first place. So I read the tiny book.
And it spoke right to me. Straight shot to the heart.
"Look at what’s happening to you! You have planted much but harvest little. You eat but are not satisfied. You drink but are still thirsty. You put on clothes but cannot keep warm. Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes!" Haggai 1: 5-6 (NLT)
You can read the chapters for yourself, but what I got out of it was the Israelites just had misguided priorities, much like myself. When they submitted to doing what they were supposed to though, the Lord kept blessing them. And what they were supposed to do was submit to God's will in the first place.
The priority thing has always been my main obstacle. But a little later there is this: "But now the Lord says: Be strong, Zerubbabel. Be strong, Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people still left in the land. And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid.’ " Haggai 2: 4-5 (NLT)
Time to get working.
----------------
Now playing: De La Soul - U Can Do (Life)
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