Fatherhood

I've been wanting to write on this topic over the past week, but never got the time to do it. Initially, my interactions with one of the boys at work had me spurred to start this topic. But there have been little instances all week that had my mind track back to it.

I'll start at work. Sunday, I was outside with our newest boy, a rough around the edges individual from the projects of Cambridge, Massachusetts. When he first came, his abrasiveness shifted the landscape of our house. Slowly, he has been buying into the program though and Sunday was true testament. He's a natural athlete and so we were shooting jumpers on the court. He must have made some comment about his shooting or maybe I just made one of my off handed comments on how to improve it. By the end, it became a mini-coaching session. Here I was teaching him the same fundamentals that my father taught me around the same age. As I struggled to come up with more tips, I thought how nice it was. Something about a child taking in something you said and applying it to their life. I know in this case it was simple basketball that I probably mangled, but the effect is still there.

Later in the week, as I did chores around the house, I could hear the laughs of the neighbor's children. When I did happen to see them, it was so precious. Just the interaction between brother and sister, who both can't be over 7, was awesome. It continued at church earlier today. I visited my aunt and grandfather's church and I couldn't believe how many children therewere running around. But listening to them laugh and play and cry made me want one of my own so bad. And holding a couple of them had me ready to steal them.

You can cut the alarms. I know I'm nowhere near ready to take on the responsibilities that are attached with a child and becoming a parent. I really do long for that experience. It might be the easy approach to life children have. It might be the chance to love and nurture another human being. Whatever it is, I hope the Lord blesses me with that experience

I'll describe me as Teal

It's been a while. i've been extremely busy and stressed out the past few week because of school, finances, relationships and the likes.

but through it all i believe i have managed to remain composed and balances. I still have time to say a few words to my parents, sisters and one of my two best friends (the other one knows i heart her even if we talk once every two months). SHucks i even managed to go to church last saturday which i had not done in almost two month. this past sunday i decided to take a time out and do me. you know re center and refocus in an effort to gain stamina for the last haul! it was worth it completely! walked, enjoyed the weather, had a few drinks with friend and family and ended the night anticipating my floor aka my bed. despite all the stresses and responsibilities, assignments and finals, i was able to enjoy the company i was with never letting on my personal struggles.

so all this is to say that only under stressful times do we have a chance to see our true colors. for that i am TEAL it's a pleasant shade of green and blue that's soft on the eyes, in season and goes well with all complexions! what's your color?

Empty Houses Are Dangerous

The moon must be passing through it’s vain phase this week. Possibly the warmth is contributing to my self-examination of the physical. Either way, I caught a more full bodied view of myself in the mirror and these will serve as the before pictures:

Not so bad. Not great either. I never longed to be some huge guy. I like nicely tailored suits and the height thing is enough of a hindrance. The bulkiness would probably just be inconvenient at points. I like the ability to slip in places. Nonetheless, I still would like to be more toned, and my fitness level is nowhere near where it should be. This is before. Eventually there will be an after. When I have more time over the weekend, I plan to figure out how that will happen more specifically.

Please stop laughing at the picture. Please start praying for me.
(Thanks Uno for \use of your bedroom and mirror in the pics even though you didn’t realize it.)

Good Morning Vietnam

“You never put the toilet seat down”

“How come we can never be on time for anything?”

“You’re not talking”

“I hate hanging out with your friends”

Exasperation
by Adam Carnegie

Taken in the midst of my marathon session with Posh tonight, this is the face of exasperation. What exactly is exasperation? Well it is defined as “aggravation” or “actions that cause great irritation, (or even anger).” How did I get to such a point?

Well the last time I actually heard Posh’s voice for longer than 30 seconds was Thursday night. I even randomly called her workplace Sunday for a brief moment to help stave off the dependence. The schedules this week were the most convoluted in our very short recent history. We both developed independent social lives on the same weekend. Regardless, it’s the longest we have not spoke since before the whole March visit occurred.

How far we’ve come. Here I am having inconsequential arguments over concert invitations and the semantics of interrogatory statements. Why? Why do I waste the batteries on my phone, risk radiation exposure from same said phone, and definitely raise my blood pressure for no reason?

Cause I miss her. And that’s the natural, unhealthy way for those feelings to get out. Eventually, I came out and realized that myself and I said it. Along with a lot of other deep sentiments that I guess were milling around for a while as well. (And I did apologize for all the b.s. that preceded.) Posh asked where it all came from. I said I guess it’s been growing for a while. There’s no concrete landmark to signify when things got so deep. They did though.

It’s been established. This is deep.

We now move on from this point.

By the way, the word of the day is joy, “the emotion of great happiness.” If you need some examples, the two pictures on the left each time you load the page are perfect encapsulations.

(And the quotes at the top are not from our conversation but from the imaginary perfume ad in my head. I do not leave the toilet seat up.)

Reflection Evolution

I looked in the mirror and saw something like the first picture on the left, except I wasn't wearing glasses at that point (which is why I added the second picture, plus it looks kind of artist coverish so why not indulge my fantasy world). When I looked at myself it was like, "That's a man right there." Then it hit me that I was the one who looked like a man. I'm a man. At least to the world around me. In my recent trips to restaurants, I have not been carded when I got drinks. I realized why when I looked in the mirror. I mean I still look young, but the features are defined now. Set. It's crazy.

The third picture I guess I included to signify looking out to the unknown. Now that I am finally accepting that I am a man and need to act accordingly, and more important desire to act accordingly, I'm less fearful of what's ahead. I have no idea where I'll be in four months. Absolutely none. But I know I want to be somewhere and moving forward with what I am supposed to do with my life. Whatever that is.

Knights Of The Rectangular Table

On this evening, I was beckoned out by my good friend Bassline and went out to eat. He picked me up with his roommmate and we headed out to Uno's for just a night out. Eventually others joined the festivities and we just hung out.

There is no amazing story here. No special incidents, positive or negative. The story was just the experience itself. Five young black men at various stages of life, yet all pointing forward, just enjoying the company of each other. And we weren't on the down low.

These are the experiences the Lord has been sending more of. For these are the expereinces that only grown-ups can have. These events happen all the way from when kids are having sleepovers. In high school and college, they increase. But there's a different component when everyone is of age. In early years, the nights are fraught with silliness or looking for the young ladies. Now, however, we each chose to be there and not for any ulterior motive. I mean we have wives and fiancees and long term girlfriends. The time to be frivolous is pretty much over.

But it's nice to be responsible. And nice to let loose with like minded people.

An idle mind...

they say is a devil's playground! well if that is the case, tonight i need to be mindful (pun intended!) for the past couple of weeks i have been consumed maybe obsessed with completing a research proposal for what may be the most anal professor in the world! I want to say that during that 14 day interval, there was only one day i made it home before 1:30am.

so now that i have completed the draft (last night at 1:23am) for the professor to look over, what am i left to do? i considered going out, but that was to complicated. i am so not in the mood of putting on heels, possibly make up, looking cute for some random drunk guy to ask me for my number, driving, and most of all spending money. who wants to do that? definitely not i! so there was the option of renting movies. that was killed dead since i got home after the video rental store in my apt building closed. so now i'm left with writing limericks for and about the child i tutor every friday, writing this blog, and ultimately rereading my proposal. anything to keep my mind occupied! wow what a life for a 23 year old kinda cute, at times sexy "single" black female living in chocolate city! and yes i do realize that tonight is college night and ladies are in free all night! what the heck am i doing home? this. i'm interacting with all you who like me would prefer to read and write blogs.

all right i'm done rambling. so what's the moral of the story? life will keep you occupied. even when you think you're done, there is always something more to do. So just do it!

Posh

I've Got Rhythm

I really just spent the last 15 minutes or so having a mini performance for an audience of me. And I thoroughly enjoyed myself, though I could use some work in my breathing technique. I also learned that I am a performer at heart, though in reality I will never practice it on too large of a stage. Well at least not yet. Maybe with some seasoning I'll be ready for pre or post primetime. Anyway, all I know is that I love to dance and I love rhythm. I also learned that I have a crazy libido and it is acted out in the way I move. I think it's a good thing as long as I keep it in check. Good luck to me in that regard.

That Thing To The Left

You may have noticed that there is a new sidebar item on the left side of the page. And would you look at that, it seems to be a playlist of some kind. Well whatever could it all mean?

Well as I mentioned in the blog's introductory posting, Posh's initial idea was to keep a music diary. Scoring The Journey is what that represents. Each of those songs is part of the story as we travel down this path of growth. I'm sure the playlist will continue to grow but here's a brief synopsis of the reasoning behind each of our selections so far:

The Roots - You Got Me Though we had begun to talk on the phone from time to time, the real catalyst in the rekindling of our relationship was the weekend I spent in D.C. The Roots were the reason I was there. We both like them and I got the tickets and the rest is history. This song is probably one of their most sentimental songs and it brings up a bunch of memories for me. "If you are worried about where/I went or who I saw or/what club I went to with my homies/baby, don't worry, you know that you got me"

Musiq Soulchild - Betterman Literally the week that I returned I got this album. And when I heard the lyrics I lost my mind. I couldn't believe that something could be that on point. Not to mention the song has a groove that you can't deny all the way to the change in movement towards the end of the song. "I found a real good woman now"

Darien Brockington - Dedication A song that has been on my computer for a while, I had listened to it maybe once before. Well at least completely. I probably poked its head up on my shuffle occasionally but I skipped over it after a few seconds. Out of nowhere, a certain melodic riff from the song was running in my head. I guess it must have made an impression. So i played the track and once again I was amazed at the accuracy of the lyrics. And the way he floats all over the track along with the sincerity of the lyrics just blows me away. "I don't have to say that I'm in love/Cause what I feel I know that they're apparent"

Mint Condition - You Send Me Swingin' You know it wasn't the lyrics of the song that initially grabbed me, though they are apropos. It was the sheer energy of the song, even though it is slow. Between the vocals and the instrumentals, you feel like their whole heart is into it. That's how I feel. "I never thought I'd really find/someone so beautiful and kind/Look what you've done to me"

Jill Scott - A Long Walk When Posh came to New York a couple weeks ago, we used our feet as our sole transportation for the first six or seven hours of our journey. We only used the train twice so it did end up being a very long walk. And not just the streets but within the various establishments we ventured into. It's the sweetness and ease of the song, plus the fact that she basically describes a pretty similar day. "Find a spot for us to spark conversation/verbal elation/stimulation

Jill Scott - One Time I have recently rediscovered all things Jill and I had to tell Posh about this song one day. Once again, I think the spirit of the song drew me, even before the lyrics. It's very free and joyful. If optimism and sunshine could be turned into sound, this song would be one of its manifestations. "Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd find someone like you"

D'Angelo - Alright D'Angelo is one of the reasons I am so into music. Along with a purchase of A Tribe Called Quest record, his Brown Sugar was my introduction to the appreciation of all things soulful. This track is number two on that record and I picked it right after me and Posh had a little tiff over who knows what. It was probably related to stress we were feeling at the time but anyway the point of the song is the acknoledgement that things aren't always sweet, but that's okay since in the end love wins out over everything. "We'll be Alright/Cause all we have to do is just talk for a while/And if we don't see eye to eye/At least we tried/We been through too much/To let all the little things get in the middle of..."

There you have it. You may be wondering about the omission of Common - The Light from the explanation (Though one of my favorite lines is "It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine"). Posh added that though so I encourage her to comment on why she found the song apropos to her emotions. As the list grows, we'll add something to explain each new addition. (Heads up: Posh is getting into the beginnings of rhythm and blues so expect to see some Sam Cooke sooner rather than later.) One day we'll make a compilation CD and sell it on eBay.

Paying Uncle Sam

Yesterday morning I woke with a purpose. Initially I didn't know what that purpose was, but I knew something had to get done. I thought I would do my usual internet minutiae to pass the time and hopefully jog my memory. Sure enough, I remembered that the deadline for taxes was yesterday. Later on I learned it was today, but that's neither here nor there. The point is I had been meaning to do them for a while, I mean actually had all the W-2's and assorted other forms all together. Just never prioritized it enough.

So I downloaded the update to the program I had last year and began the process. It's a simple program. You fill in the blanks and it figures out how much you pay or get back. As you fill in the information though, prompts come up from time to time asking you to buy the deluxe version. Screens pop up with the amazing amounts of deductions the deluxe version can find. Luckily all those big deductions can only come about when life gets really complicated (read: grown-up) so no worries there.

The whole idea of taxes is such a transition point. Even as I was filling it out, it was almost like I was having an out-of-body experience. Yes it was me filing as single. And not a dependent. With college expenses that I paid myself. And my occupation is not student (though I'd love it to be). It just had me thinking about all the stuff to come.

Insha Allah, one day there will be dependents I have to mark off. I will get the education credits when my kids go to school. I'll have mortgage interest to deduct. Capital gains will have to be monitored. I'll have another occupation! While it's all exciting, sometimes it can be overwhelming. I know that life will come one step at a time and that God won't give me anything I can't handle. It's nice at this point to look ahead when the slate is relatively blank.

UmmUmm Good!

i never realized how disgusting underneath my nails get at the end of my work shift. What's ironic is that i work in the food industry as a waitress. isn't that suppose to be a clean and sanitary environment? i've served in many a restaurants and this is the first time that my nails look this way at the end of a shift. next time you go out to dinner, take a look at your waitresses nails. let that be a gauge of how clean that restaurant truly is!

unbelievable that handling food would turn my nails black! NASTY!

Life Lesson 1

It's wise to reflect on your actions and words before you act and speak. We are emotional creatures whose moods and attitudes are as fickle as GW's plans to make America a better and safer place. Maybe i should only speak for myself on this topic.

I struggle with getting over the past. it's like the smallest thing can trigger a thought and away goes my mind, regardless of my logic! Today coming home from work my mind went on one of those trips without my permission. the trigger was a little out of the norm for my circumstance, but to the unsuspecting on looker it was nothing out of the ordinary. [i'm really struggling in writing this blog. i keep on deleting questioning if i should indeed continue.]

Whatever.

the lesson: we should learn to take things as they are, give those we love the benefit of the doubt, and continually pray that the daemons of the past do not haunt and destroy the gift of the present.

sous lesson: share your frustrations with the one who may be causing it. if you're not willing to share it, your shouldn't be feeling it. above all, never let if fester!

Would You Look At That

Let's set the scene. The mundane training about the hazards of table salt and bleach has let out early with enough time to make a Taco Bell run. As you stare with your co-worker at the variety of options before you, you gravitate towards the Steak Taquitos option. They were a close runner-up in your last sojourn to this establishment and today you've got a hankering for their flavor. Your co-worker has already made his order and now you step to the attendant whose English improves with each successive customer. You confirm your order and look to her to say the words. Just as your tongue forms the sound you stop dead in your tracks to the realization that you have promised someone hours away from you that you have had your last piece of red meat for the month of April.

This is my life.

Last week, I insisted that Posh eat before she got on her ride back to Washington. As we ambled around we ended up in BBQ's, a barbecue chain in the city. I decided to gorge on what I had denied myself earlier in the day, a slab of ribs. Posh admonished me the whole time and it got worse when I admitted that I had red meat once a week. Too bad I thought that was good. So I only ate like 2/3 of the meal (cornbread was delicious), but I ended up in intestinal discomfort for the rest of the weekend. My mom threw out the food for me.

Even at work, I usually eat whatever they send for meals. Regularly it is some sort of beef product cause beef is just American and these slightly psychotic kids need all the artificial hormones they can get. And I usually eat it. But honestly I took one bite of the pot roast they sent this week and then I put it to the side. It was like there was a little Posh angel on my right shoulder telling me to put down the fork.

So now I long for the cheeseburger and I am already planning a celebratory oxtail feast when May finally comes around but for now my allegiance is totally to Posh and her wish to keep me healthy so that we have more time on Earth. What a novel idea.

Ships Passing In The Night

In any relationship, time management is an integral part of its healthy upkeep. Everyone has their own requirements for the time they spend with each other and getting things done. But then schedules and demands come into play and things get screwed up. Furthermore, there are two independent sets of these which set off even more conflicts.

Since Posh and I are nine hours apart, obviously time is even more of a premium. We are basically limited to the various tools technology has given us, but even those have their limits. For one, nothing's ever the same as being face to face with another person. And even then, we can't utilize the tools we have all the time. We killed daytime minutes on Posh's cell phone last month, much to the consternation of Princess Bride, her older sister, with whom she pays the bill. Add on to the fact that Posh and I keep very abnormal hours. She's in school and she has roommates that require silence at night so she's out till 2 in the morning at the library lately. Then over the weekend she works crazy nighttime hours at her restaurant. My schedule ain't the easiest either. Basically unavailable all day on Sunday and not available till earliest 10:30 from Monday - Wednesday. Needless to say, time is precious.

Last night, poor Posh was laboring on her paper and I really IM'ed her as she was leaving the library. But in the four minutes she said she would call me, I must have fallen asleep. I didn't hear the phone ring because for some strange reason it was on silent. So we were robbed of an opportunity to maximize the little time we do have. Posh spoke about torture earlier and this is definitely it. Waking up the next morning and knowing for a fact that you missed something, as insignificant as it may have turned out to be.

So now I let her sleep. I can't even call cause of those damn minutes. And all I can do is wait. Sort laundry. Write this blog. Look at pictures repeatedly like if I wish hard enough she will appear in front of me. And it's gray outside.

Those Darn MySpace Bulletins

Posh currently resides in the #3 slot on my MySpace top friends list so I figured I would do this as she has disappeared from our GMail chat


Can YOU answer 23 questions about YOUR number 3?

DON'T change your top friends, and answer 23 questions about the 3rd person in your top friends.

1) what's their name?
L' A (emphasis on the apostrophe)

2) What is their sexual orientation?
If she ain't straight, she's been doing an excellent job of acting. Or am I just that oblivious?

3) Where did you meet them?
South Lancaster

4) How old were you when you first met?
19 going on 20

5) Is this person, one of your best friends?
You know it

6) Say something that only makes sense to you and your friend?
21'4

7) Is this person older than you?
She wishes

8) When was the last time you saw this person?
About 6 days ago. Feels like an eternity though

9) Do you miss them?
Naturally

10) Are you related to this person?
Ummm not so much

11) Do you have nicknames for each other?
I call her Posh, Kate, & MiNinon. I think she just calls me Big Head. Oh she also calls me Adems. Man that Haitian pronunciation

12) Is that person bringing sexy back?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you

13) Do you think that person will repost this?
Well since I'm not number 3 she can post it elsewhere

14) Why is this person #3 on your top friends?
3 is a divine number. And because it's on the top row so i can see her easily.

15) Have you seen this person cry?
Yes I have. Endearing yet heartbreaking

16) Do you know this persons middle name?
I told you that it's Apostrophe

17) Do you tell them a lot about your life?
I try to keep her up to date on most of it

18) Doing anything tonight?
Well we were chatting. Hopefully a call at some point

19) If yes, What:
This is a stupid question because you are naturally inclined to answer that in the previous question

20) Would you date this person?
Duh

21) Would they date you?
If I took a shower on a more regular basis

22) What's something the person is obsessed with?
her couch cushions and other people's behinds

23) Does this person make you laugh?
In a very deep way

All Consuming

Looking back on my previous post, one may get the impression that Big Head consumes my reality. It's a lot easier to obsess over someone and something that is a commodity. Big Head and i are living in two different states about 9 hours apart via car. since we can't be around each other as we'd like, for me it make is quite easy to think of what could be. but all this is to say that there is life outside of BIg Head, but my philosophy is why stress and worry about the things that are inevitable? school, work, sisters, family, and even my current maddening living condition; it is all inevitable and uncontrollable. However this thing called human dynamics is just that, Dynamic! you really never know what to expect next.

Posh

Torture

In Theories of Punishment this week we discussed torture and it's justification as punishment. Torture was defined as: the loss of one's will resulting in the one's will being recruited into that of the enemy. Torture is a self betrayal in that the individual under great stress chooses to ally with the will of the enemy.

At this juncture, certain events in my life have me feeling like i'm turning against myself; i'm being tortured. For one, there is Big Head. Yes he is great and in my 23 years (don't be fooled i'm a precocious 23 year old) i have not met anyone like him, nor has there been anyone that makes me feel the way he does. He continually pushes me to grow and discover new things. Complacency is not an option with him. I appreciate the way he cares for me. But...(cause you knew that was coming. why would i mention him in this blog?) this is not where i thought i would be in my life. i'm a grad student who still has not learned the fundamental of time management. all was copacetic, i worked part time, school full time, tutored once a week and i seemed to be doing all right. no worries! never wondering if i would get a phone call, if my text would see a response, new e-mail? new blog posting? essentially i did not have to worry about anyone other than myself consequentially impacting my reality. Then in one fell swoop, without my permission, Big Head reintroduced himself. I feel as though i had no say in how i would respond. what i'm doing, who i am with him, is not who i thought i would be right now. I'VE turned into someone counter to my personal logic, who now finds herself walking along side her torturer: Big Head and this thing old folk call love (genX refers to it as every and anything but love!) No one asked me for permission. No one gave me an option. the more i tried to resist (you really don't know pain until you resist. plus you'd be surprise to discover how large your pain threshold indeed is) the more it persists. there is so much a human body and mind can endure. For this, i have betrayed myself. for this i have been tortured. now life is blissful because i have allied myself with the enemy. Ain't that ironic?!?

Posh

Amazing

What's amazing you ask? Well Posh is for one. I learn something new and fantastic about her every day.

But the main inspiration for this post is my amazement over how things that are supposed to assist is helping you along your journey can be used as tools for your destruction. And in this instance I am specifically referring to the cellular telephone.

Some silly woman came to our alma mater for a week of seminars related to romance. She was full of antiquated notions about proper relations between men and women and was mostly full of crap. But one thing I did take from her was the importance of communication. You lose so much when you take out seeing someone. Little cues that could help interpret people's statements are lost when you can't see them, leading to caveat #1 with the cell phone. Though it is there to help you communicate, it doesn't always let you do it in the most effective manner.

Furthermore, when you take out hearing the sound of a person's voice, you lose little intonations that help you interpret as well. So the text message from that same cellular phone can be a God-send or a hell raiser all depending on a number of factors you may not be in control of.

Last night, it led me and Posh to a really intense discussion. One I was hoping to avoid like dust bunnies under the carpet. But it needed to be addressed and I know that we will be stronger for it. But it's all just well...amazing.

Transition

Today i officially got the word that i could register for MPA classes. this go ahead was the first step to the start of an unknown and unsure future. It can be a bit nerve wrecking. remaining in the JLS program, i knew that a change was eminent, but not at all a reality so i could rest safely in knowing that something would change at some time and all i needed to do was wait for it. Now the change has come. i can no longer just sit back expecting for a pivotal time to arrive. so now i have to get a "real job." my new advisor made it very clear to me that i would need to get a job in relating to my program. i guess no more "would you like a soup or salad with your entree?)

Big Head, i'm pretty sure can relate to what i'm going through. if not, his time will come. He's en route to law school (maybe). hopefully he won't take my route and just not go! but i know that in the back of his mind the thought of the future, the transition that is fast approaching, is wrecking his nerves!

What's great about our transitions this summer is that we both have the assurance that God has it all worked out and has our best interest in mind! so when He say, "See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" so that's the story for now. i'm growing up, running full force to what the future has in store for me!

Are you all ready for this? I sure am!

Posh

Ugggghhhhh

Part of the growing up feature of the blog, I am currently in a state of frustration. I blog live from work while the kids are currently occupied with homework and PSPs.

All this medication stuff at work is getting to me. I just made some minor infractions, basically not telling at the point where I saw something wrong. And I didn't steal drugs or anything but they all add up.

You just have to soldier on I guess. Everything else has been going well today. Problem kids are either quiet or I don't have to deal with them. Whatever. What defines a man is what he does when he is faced with adversity. I'm gonna man up and just move on.

A long time in the making

Dancing

Me and Posh were both raised Seventh-day Adventist, and one of its many doctrines is the admonishment of dancing. Well maybe that's a little harsh. But dancing is definitely restrained. None of the ho dancing for our young ladies. And if they must can they save it for their eventual husbands. But we were also raised in West Indian families and all four of our parents appreciate rhythm. Music was definitely a huge initial bonding measure for Posh and me.

So today as I dance to The Black Eyed Peas & James Brown on They Don't Want Music I am loving how much I love to dance. And Posh loves it too. We were killing Club Liv on that night in DC in March and I tell you it was an eye opener in how I felt about her. If it was this easy to dance with her, then why wouldn't I want to make her a part of my life. And it's not just the literal dancing but the way our minds dance as well. From salsa to waltz to dutty whine, we blend in a concert that is very hard to explain but enjoyable nonetheless.

Man let's do this.

OH IT'S SO HARD!

Take your mind out the gutter! This blogging this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'm a have to pull out my thesaurus and what not. Luckily for me the program already has spell check, but no grammar check! to the readers, good luck in catching all this former english minor's grammatical errors! I think I'm a start an incentive pool for the person who catches the most mistakes! At the end of the month i'll give that person a little treat, nothing to indecent, but definitely worth their while!

Wait a minute, I think I may have spoken too soon (as I'm prone to doing). I think I'm getting the hang of blogging! Just write. Let your thoughts and fingers lead you. All right. I get it!

Until the next installment.

Posh

Put God first and all else will fall into place!

loss of virginity

In so many ways I'm loosing my virginity with every word written. For starters, this is the first time I've ever blogged! Big Head has been doing it religiously for God knows how long. I think for him it serves more as a mode of therapy than anything else. His brain is a cornucopia of random and genius that I'm sure he hasn't figured out yet. Luckily for me, he's invited me to share on his journey of discovery.

Second, my first blog is with Big Head. I feel as though we have just bought a dog together and we're officially bound together. Grant it as he mentioned earlier this afternoon, there already are intangible things that bind us. But this blog is official (i think so) and pubic. I am no longer a single entity in this cyber world. Big Head has twice over taken my virginity in the creation of our blog. If only my parental units knew! What would they say!

Finally, in writing this blog and choosing to be a contributing member, layers of privacy and thoughts that were once confided to my grey mass are now available for the internet publc! In some ways this blogging experience is as provocative as indecent exposure in a public space where children may be present. Wow this may even be more scandelous! Either way, I have decided to share pieces of me, of he, of she, of us with all of you!

Thanks for joining us on our ride! I can assure you that it will keep you entertained, maybe bring tears to your eyes, give you hope, and above all else reaffirm the fact that there is a Higher Power who has great plans for each and every one of us.

To you Big Head, thanks for the being my first! I couldn't have asked for a better first time partner! Catch you on the flip side.

Posh

Really Random

Did you know that "rejected" and "selected" use the same pattern of numbers when dialing them on a cell phone (73532833)? And so does "kiss" and "lips" (5477). Yeah I know. Just let me be.

An Introduction

Well you may be wondering what this self-absorbed corner of the internet is all about. And with not one but two subjects. But yes it pretty much is the documentation of us navigating joining the real world. This is all in the wake of our rediscovering the value of our friendship and recovering what we lost. And its reinvention.

Its fruition began with a suggestion from Posh that I keep a music diary to diagram the growth of our relationship. Somehow that grew to the idea of a blog. As I thought about it more I realized how much we were embarking on, separately and together. There is just so much to share. So I envision that this will talk about our appreciations and struggles on a variety of topics from God to music to food to who-knows-what. And all in the context of us growing up.

For now, I guess I will be the poster. Posh said she was willing to contribute photos but I hope I can convince her to have a regular place here. I'd like for us to be so comfortable that we can switch from silly to serious with ease. Maybe even blog debates (cough! argu....i meant intense discussions).

Oh and who are we. Well Posh is a grad student in Public Policy at a school in Washington, DC. She has so many favorite colors it's ridiculous and she fancies herself quite the photographer. She is the youngest of three sisters in a family of Haitian descent. On the contrary, I am the only son of parents of Jamaican descent. I currently reside in Fitchburg, which is in Central Massachusetts. I am in the midst of getting accepted, rejected, or wait listed at law schools and swim in all things cultural, especially music.

So that's us. Hopefully it won't get too vulgar or inappropriate but I would like to think we can be candid. Excuse us if it at times it gets ugly or smacks of cheese but like I said to start, we self-absorbed, yo. It ain't for you so just enjoy it.

Here we go.